I woke up to the alarm piercing the quiet morning. The rest of the family was up but I had been able to sleep “late” that morning. I reached up to hit the snooze button as I always did. (Snooze and I are besties!) Then I relaxed for a few more minutes of quiet. But wait…the alarm was still screaming at me! My sleepiness abated enough for me to realize I had not really moved and I tried to lift my arm this time awake enough to know my arm did not move. I figured I was just extra tired and needed to exert more will on my body. The best I could do was slide my arm very slowly up to the headboard to get my fingers to turn the alarm button to “off.” By now I was wide awake and ready for breakfast. I still could not seem to move. I tried sitting up and got nowhere. I tried moving my legs and they remained perfectly still where they laid. My whole body felt like it was full of lead.
Unfortunately, I had to call in to work for that day and the next six weeks. I could not walk, brush my hair, bathe or anything else by myself. It was the beginning of a journey I would not wish on anyone and for a while my entire situation kept getting worse. I went into total collapse – physical, mental, and emotional. I was already having marriage trouble as well. Soon I had not only lost my health, but also my job, marriage, home, friends, and church. I did not have the resources or capability to make decisions, care for myself, or care for my children. I built a “cave” in my bedroom at my parents home and rarely came out because I did not even know how to have a conversation or explain how absolutely horrible I felt every minute of the day. How do you explain your symptoms and feelings when you don’t know what is happening to yourself?
This situation went on for several months when I finally got a diagnosis. Fibromyalgia. Unfortunately, while it was an explanation, it was not a complete answer. None of the doctors I began to see quite knew what to do about it. It was a long and lonely time of isolation and questions. I finally found a doctor who began to try various medications and slowly I began to function again. Oh how far God has brought me!
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